February 2012
2 posts
Wintry Lane
Looking down the long road ahead of myself even though it can be snuffed out in a blink of an eye. I look straight down the stony path with the lovely orange, blood red trees around myself. Breathing in the warm but bitter cold winter air. My breath is seen as I exhale, into the world and reach out my arms towards the wintry sky. Looking deeply into the the clouded world above myself. Pondering...
Dreamer.
There is a time and day when you realize what life is really is. I lose track of what I am and what I have. Even though I am not bathed in riches. I am bathed in what I have is true love, a mother that loves me with a full heart and siblings that bicker with me, siblings that love me… I am stuck in the cage called a home because of the lack of money I do not have. I am stuck in the same spot...
January 2012
6 posts
I wonder if Animals ever Laugh at us?
I’m starting to see things in a different perspective. We are what we are and we act the way we act. There is no point is trying to make life adjust to your need but you adjust to what life throws at us. I can perfectly say I am unsatisfied with the world we live in and what it has to offer. I can say with a full heart our time is nothing but a big mess with many adults who are still...
I know your watching.....
Walking back and forth. My hands entangled in my hair. My hands entangled in my hair. Walking back and forth until I know something is there waiting for me. There is only this white wall and this white room. Looking around with nothing to look at and my own words only echo in this room. Shut up! Don’t say a a word just shhhhhhhhhhhhh, there is someone watching. There is someone here....
Broken Wrist.
The darkness has consumed my soul. There was silence inside of my body. I had no feeling left but anguish and loneliness. The tears ran like the rain outside my window. Wild and unruly. As I sit here smoking like a chimney to numb out any other emotion that tried to come into my heart and soul. The sound of the rain is comforting but my heart is dying. Crying out for help but silence rings around...
God is the only man I need.
Thank you Lord for always being there for me. Thank you God almighty for being the only man I can trust. Thank you God for never leaving me when I need you the most. God is the only man I trust.
She is a demon not a saint.
It felt like I was dreaming when I was really standing in reality. The clouds passed by and the cars zoomed by. Even then my mind was just trying to process what I had heard. I was trying to understand how my past could be repeating its self. It felt like a dream and reality never felt so real. Numb on the inside and outside shattered like glass crashing towards the ground. The impact of it...
Stop Light.
There are those pretty little pink flowers floating down so softly towards the earth. There is the scent of wood burning far off in the distance. There is the soft touch of the grass and the morning dew that lingers on. There is the blue sky with that one cloud hovering over my head. The smell of burning wood is a lovely smell. The flowers float down with gravity in such a delicate matter. I reach...
December 2011
21 posts
My Papi
As I sip this pink rosy wine that I taste and enjoy in my mouth. I remember that everything in the world isn’t tainted. There are those who are still good and love with a full heart. There are people who love life and want to improve. My fiance has brought spice and different perspectives into my life. He has indulged me in the goods of life. He was the first that I smoked weed with and I...
“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than...”
– Chuck Palahniuk (via brain-food)
Baby Marcus.
There are those who don’t appreciate what they have. They take everything for granted and want more. They don’t stop and think about what they have. They don’t open their own eyes and really look around them. They say you don’t understand and your just being a bitch. They say your full of shit and fake. Just because someone tells you something and opens your eyes to certain...
Stage 4
There was a time i sat in from of my psychologist. No expression was worn on his face and for myself. I was yellow, very small, and my body would shake uncontrollably. I had lost count of the times I have sat in front of him. He asked me how I was doing. I responded with I was fairing but I wasn’t there. My body was physically there but my heart and soul were dormant. He tried to get into...
“When I listen to music my soul comes out of its shell and it begins to sing.
It...”
– Janet
Idly Watching
There seems to be a misunderstanding on how I feel. There are the voices in my head that keep screaming in all directions. I am lost and I can’t seem to break down these walls. That I have built so high up and I even forgot how to escape. There is only the lonely walls I have left to hide behind. My heartbeat is sinking into the darkness. There is no way I can explain these feeling fully. So...
Kyoko has a blog: Lessons Learned: 2011 →
brain-food:
Make your own adventure: Regardless of how trivial it is. Make an adventure out of it. Create a treasure map to the grocery store, make up a whole different identify for yourself at Starbucks, speak with a different accent for an entire day. Doesn’t matter what it is, just make it an adventure….
Alone and cold.
It breaks my heart when you walk out like that. Into the cold and me here all alone in this apartment with my thoughts. Sometimes I just want you to hold me without saying a word. All I want is your love but you don’t seem to realize that. I just want silence at times and to feel loved. However, I feel all alone right now and cold. Time will tell….
Nature and I
There was a time when I used to sing and I sang all the time. I was always alone at the time because my siblings didn’t exist at that time. Waking up Saturday mornings and my moms making me breakfast. The kids would come over and play. I would fight and destroy these friendships. Not because I didn’t want friends. I was hurting deep on the inside and the only ones i connected with was...
Heart.
Don’t destroy a woman’s heart. Don’t take her security away. Don’t take her life away just because you are not happy. Don’t go around intoxicating others with your hate. Don’t be mean just because you hate your life. Take a second and a step back. Really look at yourself. Take some time to sleep on it. Take some time with yourself. Even if there are tears locked...
Love Yourself.
There are times when the voice wins. It’s like a poison that keeps taking over my mind and soul. My mind is toxic to it’s own body. My mind doesn’t want to change for the better. It’s like I look at myself in the mirror and I look like any other person on the outside. Yet, on the inside there is war that won’t shut down. Since I have been a child I can remember being...
The moment I was Born.
I see things differently from others and I know others may view things like myself. There are times I catch myself talking in my head. There is right and wrong inside there. However, the other voice inside this head is arguing with me all the time. It seems as if it’s trying to take itself down. Drowning me in my thoughts and not letting me have a chance. I remember when I was younger living...
Small World
We all live in our own little world. We all have different perspectives of what is wrong or right. What should be and shouldn’t be. What will happen and what won’t happen. Different fears and happiness. Different secrets and mistakes. Different feelings and hearts. Different hardships and failures. Different dreams and needs. We are only human and we fall. Some stand up again and...
Thinking....
Life is nothing but a trail by God and if I didn’t know any better there is nothing for me in this world but a lot of disappoints. There is nothing but my own hope and dreams to look forward to. There is nothing wrong in just believing in myself after so many betrayals.
Thinking....
Life is nothing but a trail by God and if I didn’t know any better there is nothing for me in this world but a lot of disappoints. There is nothing but my own hope and dreams to look forward to. There is nothing wrong in just believing in myself after so many betrayals.
Thoughts.
There are times in life that I catch myself thinking about why is life a challenge. Born to a world I was not prepared for even though I been through my trails. How can life be full of bliss and then the next moment a complete enigma? Looking around myself, I do not feel alone because I know other people are struggling. I look up to the big Man upstairs because if I do not I lose sight of life...
October 2011
5 posts
Good and Bad Times
There is only hope left deep down in this tiny little hole. That has been dug by the very emotions that left it behind. The life in it grew smaller and smaller each day. Then there came a deeper and deeper but darker hole. When the time came there was nothing left inside but loneliness. Then hope came along to shine some light. Then loneliness wasn’t so sad anymore and warmth came back...
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The Heart
My heart feels heavier than all the burdens in the world out there. This feeling is killing me inside. I want to scream and cry. I want to yell at God for what is going on. I feel so alone and it hurts. I feel so ashamed and it hurts. I feel so raw and real that anything else feels better than this. I want to become numb like ice and just melt away with my feelings. I just want the pain to go away...
“There is no one that I can share my thoughts with besides my own mind.
There is...”
– JAG
Puppets2
My thoughts are moving to rapidly. The world is spinning out of control. The massacre in my head as gone on far too long. The smell of the lonely and forgotten flesh. Lingers in my nose and thoughts. The screams of all the the tortured thoughts of those puppets. That were just discarded after used for there own greed. The world is screaming and I can’t stand the sounds of those puppets. Even...
September 2011
1 post
If a man does not appreciate you that does not mean that you are not worth anything. It is the opposite a man could not handle you at your best and he does not deserve everything you have.
“When life gets hard its okay to cry.”
– Me
I am not what I appear to be
If silence was really silence now a days. A lot of people would have a bit of peace of mind. Sometimes I wonder in my own silence if I would ever be a good writer. Or if I am just babbling on with this life. i know people read this and I know that I say some depressing things. However, my writing is this way and there are those moments I have bright poems or passages. My heart….my writing...
August 2011
11 posts
Fuck YOU
Staring blankly back and forth. It’s like your not there and I am just a wall. The stare goes right through me. My stare is lost somewhere deep inside my mind. Just black, white, and some shade of gray. There is nothing but that damn black tunnel waiting for my footsteps. To echo until it hits the end… Yet, I won’t be stepping to the end. I will get lost somewhere in between the...
Brains...
Don’t look in the mirror if you don’t like what you see…. Don’t stare back at me because right now…. I’m on the bubbly and it makes me feel…. Like I am lost inside my brains….
Even though that’s where I want to be at this moment…. Lost in my brains….
George.
My days are not as fulfilling if your not here. Wondering and praying to God for you to come back home to me safely. My days are not full of light just half empty when you are gone. Knowing where you are helps a little bit just a little bit. Only wanting you in my arms. I just want to be near you all the time because time is something you can’t get back. Knowing every second with you counts...
YUP
My head hurts and I am hungry. I am upset and tired. I have been working out all day and I am not going to school this semester. I am mad about that too. Fuck all of this. Fuck you too. I am done.
8/15/11
The mind is what controls my movements. Things are running in and out and its so quickly I can’t even catch up. There are words stuck somewhere in the middle. Things that I don’t understand and things that I do understand. For one I am just lost at the moment. In the thoughts of what is going on at this moment. I am just lost and I don’t feel like I used to. I don’t know...
Blind
I’m stuck here in the middle of this empty meadow. I am blind because God has made me this way. I am tired from all the aimless walking. I am a bore since no one stuck around to keep me company. I am lost since there is no one to give me any directions. I don’t want to be here alone anymore. I yearn for company even if it’s just me going crazy. Someone to say everything will be...
Today
I may have stumbled a bit. The pieces are not as broken as they seem. My life isn’t as bad as it used to be and my heart isn’t as empty. Not as cold and lonely as it used to be in my lonely nights. Now it ain’t so bad. Now I know that I have someone to hold on to. Someone who truly loves me deep down inside. For the first time I am in love and not just any love it’s love. I...
Heart Attack
I had a heart attack. The pain swelled up into my chest. The air was locked inside of me not coming in or out. The scream was non existent. My eyes began to see black as the images faded away. It all became a dream. My muscle didn’t ache anymore and my mind didn’t panic. Sounds were non existent. The weight of my body and soul felt like a feather. Weightless. Time stood still there was...
Mannequin
There is this ache that never leaves. It may be from the lack of emotions that i don’t feel. Yet, I don’t know how to react and remove myself from this cold rock I stand on. There is this fear deep down inside. If I end up showing or letting go, eventually everything will end up breaking me. Showing nothing and being hard yet cold has worked for me. I am a little scared of being...
July 2011
5 posts
Were to start
There are so many words and letters all over the place. There is something new in each side of the room. No matter how many times I turn. There is no way I can clean up this mess because it doesn’t only belong to me. I can’t even start where I stand because I don’t know where the beginning starts. I wish I knew if I had the green light up in that big blue sky. I wish I knew if...
The Clouds
The sounds keeps streaming over and over. The smell is lingering longer than I thought. The taste in my mouth is sweet and unexpected. The thought of the clouds being reachable are at my fingertips. The sound of life has become bigger than I thought. The smoke is coming out of my mouth. I am only going hyyer and hyyer.
Everything.
I remember those moments when I was happy to be home. The child inside of me has never died at all. Only has been hidden and not been able to be itself. It been 21 years and its the same story over and over again. I don’t understand why I just can’t say fuck it. I don’t understand why I even let go. The heart that I carry is too similar to my mothers. The anger inside of me is of...
Mind/Soul
If you could see what was running through my mind. You might not want to be around me anymore. Yet, if you were to feel how my soul felt. You would wonder how I’m I still alive….