You catch yourself thinking in a moment of silence.
The only sound is your breathing and my thoughts screaming.
One says yes, while the other says no, and the other thoughts scream nonsense.
Taking in the night isn’t easy for some people.
The thoughts construct into live images.
There is a lot of ruckus going around.
The sound of gun fire and there is a gun in my hand.
The sound of people I know around me telling me to duck.
On a car moving fast with children, women, and men with weapons on their person.
A couple of shots, I am too scared to look away.
The thoughts transfer me into a new thinking structure.
In a hall full of products on shelves and blood spilled on the floor.
A woman crying over the blood filled with tears.
Tears run down my face and my thoughts shatter.
The blood was from my own kin.
In a dark basement with people screaming all around.
In a room with grotesque images.
The room of the the soulless men.
It’s late in the morning the sun is hot and everyone is out.
Out and about doing chores or at work.
The sound of bikes riding around with some cars on the street.
On the gravel there is animal feces and it’s still hot.
With the smell of urine, vomit, water, and alcohol.
The people negotiating with prices and the amount of product.
My stomach grumbles and I am starving.
Despite all the unpleasant smells there is good food cooking in the restaurants and stands.
There is fresh bread out, cooking meat, and fresh fruit.
The aromas all at once are enchanting.
Looking around I want to grab some bread.
When at a corner on the sidewalk I hear someone yell.
A quivering yell.
Two men take out their batons and a child afraid, dirty, and hungry.
Quivering in fear of the pain that is about to inflicted on him.
The two men in blue beat him.
While everyone goes about their day.
The man that takes out his baton first has a sweet smile on his face.
The small smile of enjoyment.
The enjoyment of pain on others.
A man that has no soul and has given his soul to the pleasures of unkindness.
A man that does not know mercy or love.
A man that may or may not have had love in his life at all.
There are those who are lost.
Lost inside and carry a pain too deep to heal.
Some carry no wounds but truly enjoy stripping happiness from people.
Society is not perfect and the people in it you won’t know, who you may meet next.
Life is a Russian roulette not knowing if the next day you will get the bullet.
Like being at work how would I know if the next person I talked to was not going to shot me.
(just a thought)
Sometimes I see my family history being written in front of me.
I see it whenever I go and visit.
I sometimes don’t really like reality to be honest.
I honestly hate reality and it breaks my heart.
I would love life to be like that beautiful piano song you listen to on those rainy nights while you love sleeps in the other room.
It’s like all the wonderful imaginative world you thought life was, was really just in your head.
It’s scares me to think what might become of the world.
I think of a million things in one second.
I have to watch my mother grow old and unhappy.
I am watching my father grow old and confused on life.
I am watching two grown people try to struggle to live.
Try to make ends meat.
Just so they know that they won’t end up on the streets.
You watch people change and grow.
When you really try to interact with someone’s life.
So many years pass by without really seeing what’s in front of you.
Sometimes I feel like I write for someone else that is feeling lonely, sad, and torn.
Life give you shit at times however who ever it give shit to, everyone has to have that someone that picks them back up.
Everyone needs to know they are loved in some way, shape, or form.
This life is nothing without feeling love.
No matter what kind of love it is it may be friendship, siblings, grandmas, mothers, aunts, friends, and so on.
That dark hole of pain and sorrow has to be mended.
Many people are not strong on their own but we shouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose.
It’s not their fault that they end up being hurt and torn.
They just want to be hugged and cared for.
No one really wants to be alone in this world.
Without love in someone’s life they die slowly.
Sometimes when you see someone in your life losing that light and life.
It’s heartbreaking it’s like being a in slow motion with that sad piano song in the background like you see in the movies.
Sometimes it’s like being numb and not knowing if your awake or sleeping.
It’s like seeing your heart break when someone you love is breaking.
I don’t know why now and why so sudden.
Whatever the reason is, I am really scared of losing my mother.
It’s like having my heart stomped on by life.
Watching the person who loved you through out all the good and bad.
My mother raised me and my siblings she was the reason life didn’t suck so badly with my siblings.
I’m more terrified than I have ever been about life in my entire life.
I feel like time is against me and I wish I had more time.
I feel like I need to hurry up and get my career to support her more.
It’s hard life is hard and there is no way around the bad.
There is good but the bad will be there.
It’s helps us from being fuck ups all the time.
If we never came down we would never appreciate the good in our lives.
I am just not prepared for what will happen and I will be in a lot of pain.
Things happen and I don’t know why all the time but I have to take it as it comes.
I just can’t give up now…..
It was the emotion that caught me.
It was like being shocked all at once through my nerves.
It was painful and a pleasant surprise.
It was the sound of that light tap.
How I saw the whole world become real.
It was real in my eyes and thoughts.
I was in a place that no one could ever take away from me.
My own creation, that came from my thoughts, and now is reality.
The sound of paper hitting a pen.
The sound of my words being created from my thoughts and hand.
I have created and still am creating a world for people to feel and see.
For them to enjoy and imagine.
Words make me feel beyond any other thing except for music which is emotion.
It’s this mind I have you see that doesn’t stop running.
It’s this mind you see that keeps on pushing me.
It’s this mind that won’t shut off because it has a lot to say.
My mind is like a hive that never stops buzzing.
My mind is like a never ending song.
My mind is a never ending book because no matter what I do it never shuts off.
It’s like being intoxicated with thoughts.
Thoughts that don’t know how to stay quiet.
It’s like a fire that keeps on burning.
Burning like that love I have deep inside this tiny body.
My body may be small but my mind is big.
Words are entwined with my soul.
Sitting here in this math class dull and easy.
Rummaging through my head for thoughts to keep me entertained.
There is dry sweat from the workout I just finished.
Dry and salty I can taste it on my lips.
Fascinated by someone else’s life, I begin to think of friends.
I take a look around to view the people around myself.
A guy speaks to me and asks if I have a piece of paper.
I break out of dream land and answer back.
We agree to make a copy of it after class and we begin to chat at the end of class.
It feels nice to have some conversation with someone in class.
I speak of myself and my family.
He tells me about his life with his niece and sister.
The copies are made and we are standing outside of the library we bid each other farewell.
No exchange of numbers just a good night.
Sitting in the same chair as I did the other day.
Sweat dried on my face and my sweaty gym clothes.
The same guy that I talked to walks in and sits in his desk.
I debate in my head, afraid, on how to speak to him again….I dearly want a friend.
I turn and speak but about math.
We continue to have a conversation until it’s our break time.
We continue to talk and I am gladly enjoying his company.
We continue to speak of each other, math, and family.
The class ends too soon and we part ways.
Happy as a clam because I made a friend.
Math class again and I am a bit tired.
I don’t seem to eat enough because of the lack of money or time.
He walks in again and we greet each other.
Class passes by quickly.
This time he asked me for my number.
We part ways and I send a text.
I enjoy his company because I like to have someone to talk to.
I wanted to make a friend and I made a friend.
I guess I am not so awkward or weird all the time.
He complements me on my legs someone for the first time!
I thank him because I run about 3 miles a day!
I was happy that my hard work paid off.
We part ways and continue to talk to each other through text.
Until I get home and fall asleep.
I wake up and I remember the conversation we had last night.
I remember everything and smile.
I go to my classes and enjoy the rest of the day.
I chat with my girlfriend and tell her about it.
She points out that he likes me……
In my head I am trying to figure out what…I was so blinded by wanting to make a friend I didn’t read the signs.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship but friendship.
I plan and plot in my head for the next time I will take him up on the offer of having some coffee..
Thursday came by fast too fast for me.
We see each other in the beginning of class and I enjoy the class.
We speak after class and I invite him to some coffee.
I decided to jump into the conversation and we hit it off.
I tell him how I thought he was a thug and we laugh.
We last for hours until they close.
I didn’t realize it was this late and I get up and say I have to go I need to catch the bus.
He offers to give me a ride home and I am a bit scared.
I take up the offer and I get home safe and sound.
He asks me if he can take me out and I say yes.
In my mind I can’t believe someone wants me.
I get ready and I am nervous I already talked to my mom.
Like a mother’s girl I told her I have a date!
I am excited.
I hear his car pull up and he honks.
I walk out and he opens the door for me.
We talk and he can tell I am a bit shy and nervous.
The night is splendid.
I come back home no kiss and no disrespect.
We go out on dates for a month….
We end up in the hookah bar for our last date.
I lean on him because at this point I yearn for his touch.
He holds me and we talk.
I haven’t felt this warmth in a long time.
I haven’t felt this feeling in a long time.
I haven’t felt so comfortable with anyone before.
We decide to end the night.
Before we end it I take his face in my hands and I kiss him.
The feeling of that kiss of his warm lips and his breath on my mouth.
The feeling of having his wet tongue and lips on mine, was explosive.
Our souls connected immediately, our hearts touched each other, and our minds.
I fell in love.
I go to work everyday and I don’t talk to anyone except for hi and bye. I’m not a bitch nor I’m I conceded. I am in a phase, some point in my life, and I am just changing. The people I know and have in my life I am koo with however, I am not ready to let other people in or it could be that I just know making friends at work plus letting everyone know you business is trouble.I want to make friends but I don’t want to make the gossip ones that live off of gossip, untrustworthy ppl, and kids. I want to see that same level headed ppl around myself. I want to befriend ppl who are real and down to earth. PPL, who don’t care if you express your opinion and still input theirs and not argue.
“When I see my mother I remember why I cry so much and why I love so much. It’s because no matter what I did or said she still loves me.” — Janet-JAG
[video]
being stripped
layers by =LeslieAnnODell
